M: Under a Tree, Feet Up, Head Down

I am so grateful to have known my mother as a person and a friend for as long as I have.

Not all kids are as fortunate, nor all parents as cool. More than half are probably shit. (I don’t have any sources. I’m making this up as I go–but more than half still feels right.)

Most kids have a crisis after they’ve had children, or they begin to notice time sitting a little heavier on their progenitors shoulders in the form of crow’s feet and loose jowls.

That’s when it hits them.

Parents are people. Cool people. And now that you’ve found out, they’re bound to die, and sooner than you would like them to.

Some kids find out after their mom or dad, or both, are already gone. And fuck. Just fuck. Everything about that is just… grade-A trash.

I figured out my mom was my kind of person when I was nine. We had just learned about periods and penises at school. I had so many logistical questions, but my mother had been in a state of gloom for a few weeks and I didn’t think I was allowed to bother her when the world seemed to be enough bother for her.

So I left her a very detailed (and extremely hard to read) note about all the mysteries of the vagina I NEEDED her to investigate for me, and report back via the back of the 3×5 card… but only if she felt up to it.

She doesn’t remember that she was mad at first, frustrated and hurt that I hadn’t felt comfortable enough to come to her directly. She does remember that she laughed.

She pointed and asked, “Is this supposed to be a vagina?” I nodded. “Why is there only one ovary?”

I gave her an exasperated sigh. “Augh! There’s more than one? Why?“

After that, she made a concerted effort to always be available for me and my sister whenever we needed her.

Which sounds absolutely exhausting

Because it is.

She swallows her knee-jerk reaction, comes ’round her own Mt. Trauma, puts aside her discomfort… and smiles.

Then she takes a deep breath and sets her glasses on her nose and her lips disappear in concern.

“Tell me who we need to bury. I’ll drive, but you’re dead wrong if you think I’ll be any help moving the damn body.”