Monthly Archives: December 2016

They Told Me Bloodletting Heals

Don’t believe them for a second.

Oh no
Oh no
I’ve been here before
I know
I know
I shouldn’t care but
I guess I’ll bleed some more

You were the pillow lines on my face
You were the ache in my spine every time I dared to close my eyes
And I can’t erase the tracks left below my lashes
like lanes or roads
whips would lash down on
Oh no

I go
I go
I tell myself, “Don’t look back.”
But I do
I do
Oh my God, I always do just that!

I am the feathers drifting through your room
I am the splintered chair and your hair standing straight on end
And I am the truth staring straight through you
like I’m dying on your bed
But you knew what your words would do
I know

You are a warm hand in the dark
I am a ghost against your cheek
You are the only star with a spark
I am the only knife that can speak

and my words cut deep
and you’re burnin’ out
and all that either of us have ever been
has been knowing we’re going to ground
for the count

Oh no
I know
I go
I do

We are the rescue
We are the guard
We are the virtues
we would rather spit out
We’re both hurting badly
We’re both yearning madly

But we can’t jump up out
of a smoking plane
if we’re settled on the falling
down
because those two ways
obviously aren’t the same
I want to be devout
but you must think that I’m insane

But shit…
Dammit all.
I’ve been here before.
Around we go.
Yeah. I know.
Try… “Try again, Amore.”
Eventually I will bleed
no more.

A Mirror’s Dilemma

There’s no privacy in this place.
The jagged edges of my guilty thoughts
(my only saving grace.)

Florescent brights play me a false score
because the day’s shadows only cast ’till four
(I still feel like a light whore.)

Wound up in my sleep too late… past three…
Your face needs to just go away
so I can get back on my feet.

I broke a promise to myself!
“The next person will be the last.”
I broke this promise to myself
and this I just can’t get passed.

Should I just settle?
Is it all worth it?
Said some heavy things.
Do I deserve him?

I’ve broken my word to myself.
I can’t undo that.
But who’r what’s to say
I won’t just go back?

Can I unhurt my own things?
Can I unbreak foreign dreams?

There’s no privacy in this place!
Otherwise
I
would
scream.

Sitting in a Bar, Talking to French Folk

Would you believe?

Let’s meet somewhere, Jay.
Let’s have a couple beers, Jay.
I’ll be on time, you wicked dime.
Don’t worry, I’ll see you at 8.

I’m in the car, Jay.
Five minutes at most, Jay.
Have a beer on me, I’ll be there in 3.
Don’t worry, just a little late.

I’m two blocks away, Jay.
I’m one block away, Jay.
Did you have a beer? Let me be clear:
Almost there, but I can’t stay.

Work, Jay.
I’m sorry, Jay.
Maybe next week… if I’m not busy.
It’s just I… have a habit of making grand escapes–

I stay up late and never get dressed–
stressed,
this fucking job has me regretting
I ever got a degree in business
I just want you and I want your love
but all I know is numbers and bluffs and tough oppsition, attrition, and depositions…
I want to drink a beer and see your face again, Jay.
I miss you, your voice and your grin, Jay.
I want you to stay, Jay,
with me
at my house
in my bed
so I never have to leave you in a bar alone ever again.

Please, Jay.
I’m crying, Jay.
I need you. So why don’t you
Just turn around and let me say
I love you, Jay.
Believe me, Jay.
Believe me.
See me,
Jay.

A Traveler’s Homestead

To you, struck by wanderlust…

Spending my life away from home
Catching sunrise after sunrises, loaned.
Time will intone if there’s chance for me still–
To find my last “away” away from “away” if time will

Because Saturdays bleed like maples in winter
(And lands before the hinter don’t seem to.)
I wonder… Do they still dream of that beyond their valley?
Does Brother Su Jon ever leave his alley?
Will my first love, Cindy, ever leave Cali?

What strife we create in those places
What a life I’ve lived with pocket aces
In “away”‘s relaxed, good graces–
That magic that happens between unfamiliar faces
And the jaded happenings between the strange chases.

I envy people who don’t dare leave
I envy their courage, their steadfast need
And I sometimes keen
(As I liken do).
I want to stay in one place forever too

But not really…

Do you?