I Published a Book

I don’t know how to feel.
Resignation?
Baby’s gone off to war.
I hope
he dies quick and painless.
Oh,
mon miroir
Anguish?
He was all I had.
All I was.
All that I am.
Damn this world that made me–
that made me make him!

Disinterest?
So, have you seen the newest episodes?
Latest and greatest says she won’t last the season.
Wouldn’t that be kind.
They don’t even need a reason.

Bargaining?
If I pay so much
they’ll leave positive reviews.
If I pay so much
they’ll ridicule my AD budget and I’ll still get views.
Either way
I’m paying
for my very own tailored abuse.

Depression?
I give up.
I’m no good.
He’s dead to me.
I’m no good.

Denial?
I won’t ever give up.
I am the best there is.
DON’T YOU DIE ON ME.
Critics, journals, fans–
It’s just good business.

Acceptance.
I give up.
I am no good.
I am going to hole-up inside
and hide.
How
can
the
critics
kill
what
was
never
even
alive?

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Of Impressions and Other Addictions

If you decide you are nothing
You can guess what you are
But inject potential into your veins
And you can be anything in your heart.
Like a changeling in a farce
You can shift skins and marks.
It could be anything.
If you let it in you–
Let it move you, let it change you–
In your life, and what you decide–
It will be embedded in your art.

Put Your Head in the Sand

I was six years old
I remember when I said courage was saying, “Hey,”
Before something made somebody mark the earth

Foul on the play

Twenty-five
Every time a new voice calls out, I’m the first to lose
Run girl run, Don’t look back, Hun
Everything lost to rum–‘r some kinda booze
“Foul on the play!”

“No excuse!”

Guess Church tied my hands together, bound
Like family, like blood, like red on the ground
Scatter, scatter, so just pound it out
Turn the other cheek
Get lost in the spell
Complacency?
Nah. Just pushing the world closer to Hell
‘Cause even if someone’s got something to say

“Shut up and color.”

“Flag on the Goddamned play!”

“Shoot the Ref!” They all seem to settle
Integrity?
Shh. Shh…

Just push this shit closer to Hell.

The Road Taken

Thinking about the old days again
About how I shaped the world with
only assumptions and a pen.
Now, I resist pulling things into parts.
Instead, I marvel at their creation
surrounded by so many starving hearts.

Of all my habits and my fall backs
I never could recover from the cliche
things, the already tread-ed tracks.
But now, I’ve deigned my own way.
And, as simple as that sounds
It’s come at a cost; some kind of back pay.

“I can’t breathe.” I oft hear the words now
Like the restlessness of ten years ago
has returned like a seasonal plow.
Churning over the darker, richer earth
I walk an old path, unabashedly renewed–
uncaring of all Robert Frost’s berth.

Of Breeze, Hookah Lounge

New haunts
Relax
Take a breath…
Let the mania abate
Nearly staunched
Wounds, bleeding
Drowning the old scars
The preconceptions
Lost in the fog of new bars
Under the same stars
Newfound faces
Wearing the same masks
That cover the same actors on the stage
Advice, taken, almost sage
Overwhelmed by the same sadness
Amid the savage grace
Relax
Take a breath…
Like the same arms
That cradled you, marred
Gaunt with the promise of re-ghosting
Old haunts
Relax
Take a breath…

Another Revenge-Fueled Haircutting

Whose advice did you follow?

‘Cause it ain’t mine.

Whose bad idea did you swallow–

Or are you really out of your mind?!

You’re not taking me down!

Didn’t break my back for your sake.

I didn’t go outta my way to clean ground

To sweep up your mistakes!

You think you know me?

You can’t even see my shadow,

Enveloping.

What do you know, Jezebel Above?

What do you know about love?

What do you know, Delilah Above?

What do you think you know about love?

As Far As You Go, I Will Follow

Ties that bind?

Binds that show

Family roots in blood grow.

Taller we get–

We tower so high–

Or spread so like

Wildfire-wide.

You need me

Like I just need:

Like food, like water

Like all we breathe.

You hold me tight.

I’ll take that blade.

There aren’t many bad things

I can’t unmake.

I don’t regret

What can’t be undone.

Take me down to

Where the red rivers run.

Blind my eyes.

Hide my soul.

Before your shine

I’m dust and coal.

Ties that bind

Are binds that show.

Violence is forgotten, sown–

The Family that roots in blood

Only grows.