Monthly Archives: November 2016

Just a Woman with a Hammer

Transcribed from a spoken word improv night at O’Lounge, Song-tan, Republic of Korea. First performed by Bloodjay 10/NOV/16.

I am but a woman,
Cast out of womb and time.
I weild hammer to build,
Hammer to drive armies,
Hammer to bust out a rhyme.

I have been given my life
And lead to lead through strife
I didn’t ask for but must
Eck through if I’m to survive.

Being a being prone to not seeing
The light we all must strive to be–
Meaning wanton will that we still our
Hearts to deal with is just
The ticking of
A clock
unwinding.

Signing our time away to watch arms
Spin in a circle, wasting away like
There’s no harm
In being a company man
Who’s never had a hammer
In his hand,
Who has never wanted
But has only been haunted
By the numbers that spin his bosses skeams–
By the nightmares he wishes
Would step out of his dreams–
By the words he never said
When he or she threatened to leave…

I–we–were made to feel guilt
For things left unbuilt.
We were built to feel grated on
For things left uncreated.
We were created to make love
And, in return, be loved.
But instead we feel severed and spurned,
Abandoned, burned, alone, and unlearned.
We hate because we hate our own hurt.
We sell our time because it’s all we’ve earned.
We divide ourselves in each our hearts
Because we are afraid to face each other’s scars…

We hope and we struggle to hope and struggle.
We fight to fight and in the end… Most of it means fuck-all… And we crumble.

We were born with hammers
to build or tear down…
And as I hate and I love and I regret,
the truth of this tool still resounds:
My time is short. We all have a choice.
We can either heal or we can destroy.
I may be just one, but that may be all it takes.
And when the stakes exacerbate and threaten to erase, I will be standing
in the great shadow of the gnomon
And intone this stranger’s poem…

For I
am a woman.

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Tomorrow For Sure

Broken down
To my components
Laid on the ground
Like your suitcase
I’m all strung out
You’re exposing
All the sounds
I am capable of making.

I just couldn’t see
you were hurting
“Why the hurry?
You know you make me worry?”

And I didn’t know
What even got through
When I shouted for you
When I loved after you.

I never saw it coming
Sideways lights
Lit up the night.
Story of my life
You left me questions
Half-made impressions
A dozen second guesses
I gotta clean up all your messes?!

And I want to lie to myself
To get outta this hell
You’ve left me with.

What am I supposed to think?
Give up all I know of love–
everything?
I built a world around you
And now it seems nothing…
Is as it seems.

“Dreams
made flesh”
I could weep.
You’ve already made me bleed
Your absence is like a knife
That just won’t stop cutting.

But who would I be
To just give in?
You told me I couldn’t love on a whim…
So I did.
And you can break my heart
But not my might!
And I’ve still got my pride
And I’ll still go and hope and fight the good fight
But…
My god

Not tonight.