Tag Archives: heartbreak

Not Today

I swim forever in an ocean of tears

It is a sea of things lost, unmade

One day 

I hope to instead cry for the things I’ve gained

One day

But not today


I’ll Make My Bed and Sleep in it Alone

I’m out on the veranda
Smoking my last cigarette
Watching the smoke curl around the moon
Being “thankful” that we met

Since you’re coming home
The liquor’s going down the sink
Gotta say goodbye to my old friends
Say goodbye to the drink

Life was going great for me
Now I guess I’ll be just fine
Since you talked with Ma and Pa
They tell me you’re so kind

Why do you
Make me feel so blue
Why do I feel so sad
I should be flying to the moon
‘Cause someone actually came back

Sunday will come, Sunday class
You’ll twirl me around like a ball
I’ll smile, I’ll wave, I won’t misbehave
I’ll be too damn done to fight being a doll

You’re gonna burn all my books
You’re gonna toss out my wires
You’ll kiss my forehead
Your “love” will take me higher

Old friends’ll reach out
“He’s not good for your health!”
Oh, but you’ll dust me off, pretty me up
And set me on a shelf

But why do you
Make me feel blue
Why am I so fucking sad
No one’s ever forgiven me
After I was so bitter and mad
And I’m supposed to feel better
You’re gonna make me so glad
But why am I just looking to escape
Run and try to erase those faces
You show me in private places and chase…
That ache out of me that
Loves that you came back

But why did it have to be you that came back?

I take to the kitchen
Smoking a damn cigarette
Watching the smoke curl around the room
I pour a shot of Jack
You can bet
I don’t want you

You’re an ass

DTP 4: My First 29th Birthday

I thought all a night’s tender sighs
Were the lights going dim and dry
The way you tip a candle back
And the wick wets with it’s own wax

Dripping red onto the fancy carpet
You cut into my heart just to mark it
And when the bill came by our table
You looked at me and like in a fable
You asked through artery, “Got that?”
I tried to speak… but blood just spat
I love you,” you had said,
You’re All That Matters…
By the way,” you had said,
I’m screwing Nora Mathers.
Cheesecake with a pureed heart head
I glanced at the bill, the cake, the heart, then said:
“You couldn’t wait… ”
You blinked, confused
“… until after my birthday?”
You looked so confused
I suppose I shouldn’t’ve been surprised
The candle wasn’t tipped in another life
But now, the wax ran down, wet the wick
Our flame had guttered out all too quick
I knew then I was just another chore
I licked my lips and set down my fork
Like quiet, rolling thunder, I bid time
Then struck out lightning quick on the dime
Your cheek was as red as strawberry puree
Lip trembled, but I managed to state, “Pay.”
You reached in your pocket hammer space
Jesus,” you said, irate.
“Happy-freaking-Birthday, okay?”

Downtown Platinum (c)2017 Karin Mayville 
Find out more at Downtown Platinum on Facebook.

DTP 3: Problems

1. I gotta problem
2. It’s you.
3. You hurt me bad and, oh
4. I can’t believe you would leave
Just like you did!
You took the dog, the cat
An’ all the plants that weren’t dead (yet).
Damn, you stole the car, you left the bills
You broke my heart and, boy, I’d kill
For just one minute with ya back
Just to get to tell you, fact-for-fact
What a fool you is.

Downtown Platinum (c)2017 Karin Mayville 
Find out more at Downtown Platinum on Facebook.

Tomorrow For Sure

Broken down
To my components
Laid on the ground
Like your suitcase
I’m all strung out
You’re exposing
All the sounds
I am capable of making.

I just couldn’t see
you were hurting
“Why the hurry?
You know you make me worry?”

And I didn’t know
What even got through
When I shouted for you
When I loved after you.

I never saw it coming
Sideways lights
Lit up the night.
Story of my life
You left me questions
Half-made impressions
A dozen second guesses
I gotta clean up all your messes?!

And I want to lie to myself
To get outta this hell
You’ve left me with.

What am I supposed to think?
Give up all I know of love–
I built a world around you
And now it seems nothing…
Is as it seems.

made flesh”
I could weep.
You’ve already made me bleed
Your absence is like a knife
That just won’t stop cutting.

But who would I be
To just give in?
You told me I couldn’t love on a whim…
So I did.
And you can break my heart
But not my might!
And I’ve still got my pride
And I’ll still go and hope and fight the good fight
My god

Not tonight.

The Law of Conservation in Love

I spent three years in the
cosmic throes
and was never satisfied with myself
unless I was orbitting a starry lover.
I was blinded by them.
Put to rest my old feelings–
It is the star dust that remains that I
must address: I am shocked by it.

Those pieces of me that I
didn’t understand very well
have returned like aspects of the
downtrodden Prodigal son.
I have forgiven myself–
embraced all those parts long thought

I’d been chasing the sunlight sloughed
off by other bodies for so long…
I had blinded myself staring at them
without realizing
they were gassy giants
just waiting to

I am a satellite no longer.
In the wake of their supernova
I have been unmade
and remade.
Their abandonment
made my renewal possible
and now I give off my own light…
bringing me back to my
Star Dust Address:
I am beside myself
because it is not their husk or energy
that I cannibalized to rebuild myself.
Rather, I had been a star all along.
They destroyed “us”.
I gathered my pieces to
come back together.

But their abandoned star dust drifts
on through the cosmos
(like I once had
before I found their light
in the darkness.)

We lose nothing of ourselves.
It seems we only change shape.

I am… unsure
if I should be accepting of this
or rail against it with everything I am
and mourn!

What You Didn’t Say to Me

I don’t love you anymore.
I don’t know if I ever did.
In romance I’ve grown poor.
I know the warmth won’t come again.

Stars don’t wink behind your eyes.
The wind doesn’t sing of amore.
Cold saps my heart each bitter night
And I don’t love you anymore.

Those “little things” are now trying.
Your face fills me with guilt.
I know you’re slowly dying; denying
Even as hope flees this brittle life we’ve built.

I’ve retreated into myself forever.
It’s safer here, I’m sure.
You said things could only get better
But I just can’t love you anymore!

I don’t know what to do, alone,
But I’ll go crazy if I keep doing this!
For my apathy, I can never atone
But I don’t care if you hate me for it!

You’re too kind and too beautiful–
After all, you were my paramour–
But I can’t be what I think you deserve.
I shouldn’t love you anymore.