Tag Archives: heartache

I’ll Make My Bed and Sleep in it Alone

I’m out on the veranda
Smoking my last cigarette
Watching the smoke curl around the moon
Being “thankful” that we met

Since you’re coming home
The liquor’s going down the sink
Gotta say goodbye to my old friends
Say goodbye to the drink

Life was going great for me
Now I guess I’ll be just fine
Since you talked with Ma and Pa
They tell me you’re so kind

Why do you
Make me feel so blue
Why do I feel so sad
I should be flying to the moon
‘Cause someone actually came back

Sunday will come, Sunday class
You’ll twirl me around like a ball
I’ll smile, I’ll wave, I won’t misbehave
I’ll be too damn done to fight being a doll

You’re gonna burn all my books
You’re gonna toss out my wires
You’ll kiss my forehead
Your “love” will take me higher

Old friends’ll reach out
“He’s not good for your health!”
Oh, but you’ll dust me off, pretty me up
And set me on a shelf

But why do you
Make me feel blue
Why am I so fucking sad
No one’s ever forgiven me
After I was so bitter and mad
And I’m supposed to feel better
You’re gonna make me so glad
But why am I just looking to escape
Run and try to erase those faces
You show me in private places and chase…
That ache out of me that
Loves that you came back

But why did it have to be you that came back?

I take to the kitchen
Smoking a damn cigarette
Watching the smoke curl around the room
I pour a shot of Jack
You can bet
I don’t want you

You’re an ass

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DTP 10: My Dear Humanity, I Knew Her Well

Heart, pumping in my hands–
What were you before?
Did you leave a happy life?
Did you always strive for more?
Did you yearn and did you pull
If something really caught your eye?
Did you sacrifice with good intentions?
Did you rightly vilify?
Did you rend and did you tear?
Did you bend? Did you bear?
Did you wake in the middle of the night,
Blind, sweating, filled with utmost care?
Did you weep?
Did you creep?
Did you seap?
Did you sleep?
I guess it doesn’t matter, you–
Heart, pumping in my hands–
You pour, you leak, and you spatter.
Time won’t heal wounds wrought by these hands–
Not anymore.
I said:
“It doesn’t matter.”

Downtown Platinum (c)2017 Karin Mayville 
Find out more at Downtown Platinum on Facebook.

They Told Me Bloodletting Heals

Don’t believe them for a second.

Oh no
Oh no
I’ve been here before
I know
I know
I shouldn’t care but
I guess I’ll bleed some more

You were the pillow lines on my face
You were the ache in my spine every time I dared to close my eyes
And I can’t erase the tracks left below my lashes
like lanes or roads
whips would lash down on
Oh no

I go
I go
I tell myself, “Don’t look back.”
But I do
I do
Oh my God, I always do just that!

I am the feathers drifting through your room
I am the splintered chair and your hair standing straight on end
And I am the truth staring straight through you
like I’m dying on your bed
But you knew what your words would do
I know

You are a warm hand in the dark
I am a ghost against your cheek
You are the only star with a spark
I am the only knife that can speak

and my words cut deep
and you’re burnin’ out
and all that either of us have ever been
has been knowing we’re going to ground
for the count

Oh no
I know
I go
I do

We are the rescue
We are the guard
We are the virtues
we would rather spit out
We’re both hurting badly
We’re both yearning madly

But we can’t jump up out
of a smoking plane
if we’re settled on the falling
down
because those two ways
obviously aren’t the same
I want to be devout
but you must think that I’m insane

But shit…
Dammit all.
I’ve been here before.
Around we go.
Yeah. I know.
Try… “Try again, Amore.”
Eventually I will bleed
no more.

Tomorrow For Sure

Broken down
To my components
Laid on the ground
Like your suitcase
I’m all strung out
You’re exposing
All the sounds
I am capable of making.

I just couldn’t see
you were hurting
“Why the hurry?
You know you make me worry?”

And I didn’t know
What even got through
When I shouted for you
When I loved after you.

I never saw it coming
Sideways lights
Lit up the night.
Story of my life
You left me questions
Half-made impressions
A dozen second guesses
I gotta clean up all your messes?!

And I want to lie to myself
To get outta this hell
You’ve left me with.

What am I supposed to think?
Give up all I know of love–
everything?
I built a world around you
And now it seems nothing…
Is as it seems.

“Dreams
made flesh”
I could weep.
You’ve already made me bleed
Your absence is like a knife
That just won’t stop cutting.

But who would I be
To just give in?
You told me I couldn’t love on a whim…
So I did.
And you can break my heart
But not my might!
And I’ve still got my pride
And I’ll still go and hope and fight the good fight
But…
My god

Not tonight.

Resignation

Magic must be real
Because this certainly never was
Apathy for all three meals
Because food has turned to dust

How did you get there?
What made you make up tales?
Suddenly I have no words to spare
While you get rid of yours in a fire-sale

My own paranoia turned on me
I feel the slick blood before the knife
Wish ex-es never happened, you see
Only wanted one person my whole life

“How could you? After all I’ve done!”
I wish there was something to say
You just wanted more, more reasons
To punish me and push me away

You’ll never believe my words
My “track record” was never cleansed
But You didn’t put merit in rumors…
What changed your heart in the end?

But for my own sake…
I’ll admit the truth:
From the forbidden cup, I never drank
The only one I ever loved was you.