DTP 4: My First 29th Birthday

I thought all a night’s tender sighs
Were the lights going dim and dry
The way you tip a candle back
And the wick wets with it’s own wax

Dripping red onto the fancy carpet
You cut into my heart just to mark it
And when the bill came by our table
You looked at me and like in a fable
You asked through artery, “Got that?”
I tried to speak… but blood just spat
I love you,” you had said,
You’re All That Matters…
By the way,” you had said,
I’m screwing Nora Mathers.
Cheesecake with a pureed heart head
I glanced at the bill, the cake, the heart, then said:
“You couldn’t wait… ”
You blinked, confused
“… until after my birthday?”
You looked so confused
I suppose I shouldn’t’ve been surprised
The candle wasn’t tipped in another life
But now, the wax ran down, wet the wick
Our flame had guttered out all too quick
I knew then I was just another chore
I licked my lips and set down my fork
Like quiet, rolling thunder, I bid time
Then struck out lightning quick on the dime
Your cheek was as red as strawberry puree
Lip trembled, but I managed to state, “Pay.”
You reached in your pocket hammer space
Jesus,” you said, irate.
“Happy-freaking-Birthday, okay?”

Downtown Platinum (c)2017 Karin Mayville 
Find out more at Downtown Platinum on Facebook.

DTP 3: Problems

1. I gotta problem
2. It’s you.
3. You hurt me bad and, oh
4. I can’t believe you would leave
Just like you did!
You took the dog, the cat
An’ all the plants that weren’t dead (yet).
Damn, you stole the car, you left the bills
You broke my heart and, boy, I’d kill
For just one minute with ya back
Just to get to tell you, fact-for-fact
What a fool you is.

Downtown Platinum (c)2017 Karin Mayville 
Find out more at Downtown Platinum on Facebook.

DTP 2: True

To my best friend:
Come on, let’s run–
Trip drunk over dumb
Shit we call fun–
Paint these crooked walls
With what we used to call
Easy eggs, bacon, waffles.
We’ll talk about life
And all our strife.
The jokes cut like knives.
But isn’t it nice?
The funniest people I know
Leave room to grow
And hide more pain
Than they like to show.
The kindest people I love
When push comes to shove
Would tear apart the whole world
Just to prove they give a fuck.
My best friend, I’ll keep to you.
I know I jab and rip you through
But I hope it reminds you
No matter what the world tries to
Turn you into
I know you, above all people, are true.

Downtown Platinum (c)2017 Karin Mayville
Find out more at Downtown Platinum on Facebook.

DTP 1: Wishes

Simply planned after the complex fell through

Settled for simple love till it complicated and died too

Simple life I settled for: not a bad ending; not a bad score

Still I’ve got that constant, simple itch: that desire for more

I had abandoned those old maxims, at its core:

You had better be careful what you wish for.

Downtown Platinum (c)2017 Karin Mayville
Find out more at Downtown Platinum on Facebook.

Bitter Salt

The stupid part was we let the poison in.
Money, friendships, a living.
And what escape is there from an open cage?
We wished well those who left its service early
but bitterly watched their backs as they went.
We didn’t feel the jealousy just then.
The bad taste in our mouths was the envy to come
when the sweat and the nightmares would take us
make us yearn for the years ill-spent
make us wonder about things not seen
places un-went.
Back then we didn’t suspect
those who left looked back at us
with that same kind of pregnant loathing.
They would feel it sooner than us:
the hunger
the addiction
jonesing for that “being part of something”
like the uniform and the sweet, metal smells were lines and hits.
All of us hadn’t realized it then
but those who left
and those who stayed
would dream the same demons
all the same.

They Told Me Bloodletting Heals

Don’t believe them for a second.

Oh no
Oh no
I’ve been here before
I know
I know
I shouldn’t care but
I guess I’ll bleed some more

You were the pillow lines on my face
You were the ache in my spine every time I dared to close my eyes
And I can’t erase the tracks left below my lashes
like lanes or roads
whips would lash down on
Oh no

I go
I go
I tell myself, “Don’t look back.”
But I do
I do
Oh my God, I always do just that!

I am the feathers drifting through your room
I am the splintered chair and your hair standing straight on end
And I am the truth staring straight through you
like I’m dying on your bed
But you knew what your words would do
I know

You are a warm hand in the dark
I am a ghost against your cheek
You are the only star with a spark
I am the only knife that can speak

and my words cut deep
and you’re burnin’ out
and all that either of us have ever been
has been knowing we’re going to ground
for the count

Oh no
I know
I go
I do

We are the rescue
We are the guard
We are the virtues
we would rather spit out
We’re both hurting badly
We’re both yearning madly

But we can’t jump up out
of a smoking plane
if we’re settled on the falling
down
because those two ways
obviously aren’t the same
I want to be devout
but you must think that I’m insane

But shit…
Dammit all.
I’ve been here before.
Around we go.
Yeah. I know.
Try… “Try again, Amore.”
Eventually I will bleed
no more.

A Mirror’s Dilemma

There’s no privacy in this place.
The jagged edges of my guilty thoughts
(my only saving grace.)

Florescent brights play me a false score
because the day’s shadows only cast ’till four
(I still feel like a light whore.)

Wound up in my sleep too late… past three…
Your face needs to just go away
so I can get back on my feet.

I broke a promise to myself!
“The next person will be the last.”
I broke this promise to myself
and this I just can’t get passed.

Should I just settle?
Is it all worth it?
Said some heavy things.
Do I deserve him?

I’ve broken my word to myself.
I can’t undo that.
But who’r what’s to say
I won’t just go back?

Can I unhurt my own things?
Can I unbreak foreign dreams?

There’s no privacy in this place!
Otherwise
I
would
scream.